"I'm Not Cut Out For This..." - Why Not You, Why Not Now?!

In this post & podcast episode, I am talking about the topic of 'Why not you, why not now?' I picked up this topic from Angie Lee who actually ran a live workshop recently with this same theme and I thought it was such a great theme to think about and one that I really wanted to discuss in a little bit more detail on the podcast.

This episode is brought to you by my free Facebook group, Wellpreneur Women, which is a group of women in the health and wellbeing space who are looking to grow their business online with more impact and less hustle. There are over 430 women in there so far. It's an awesome vibe and a great group and I am popping in there all the time, sharing my support, sharing my tidbits and resources and things that can help you to scale your services online and reach more paying clients with less work. So if that sounds like your jam, then you can go to wellbeingweekly.com.au/community and you'll find the details there.

Okay, so today I'm talking about Why not you? Why not now? And this is essentially feeding into that feeling that so many of us get when it comes to imposter syndrome. Now I have done a whole episode on imposter syndrome separately to this with some really great tips on how to get through imposter syndrome. So I'm not going to dive into that side of things too much, but really talking about this notion of when you feel like "I just can't do this...that I'm not a person that can do this...I'm not cut out for this. Who am I to do any of this? Who am I to chase my dreams in this way?"

Or maybe you feel confident in yourself and taking the leap, but for some reason there's just something holding you back from taking action. Why is now not the right time for you? What is holding you back from making the leap and taking inspired action towards your goals and your dreams. So that's what we're going to be diving into today. And I'm excited. I'm going to break it down into why not you and also why not now, and how you can start to break through some of this and take action towards your amazing goals and dreams in business and life. So let's just dive straight in and look at why not you.

Why Not You?

Where it stems from... When this is coming up for you, when you are feeling like "Who am I to do this?" Or "I just don't have what it takes to make any of this a reality." A lot of this is coming from self-doubt, from a lack of confidence in yourself and your skills. Maybe you're seeing competition out there. You're already feeling like there's so many people out there in your space that you just can't compete or you wouldn't be able to stand out in the same way. Or maybe you're seeing people out there who are doing an amazing job...they've got amazing results and you just feel like there's no way you could ever get to that level or you could ever expect to have the same results as them. Why even bother trying? That’s where a lot of this feeling really stems from and something that I've been thinking about lately.

It's interesting to me because for some reason we don't say it the same way in our own businesses, but when you think about finishing high school and thinking about what you'd like to do as a career and maybe considering what kind of university or college degree you'd like to do, or what kind of further training you'd like to do, we rarely stop and think about the fact that there's so many people out there already doing that job or already have that qualification. I know when I was leaving school, psychology was all I ever wanted to do. My dream was to be a psychologist and I didn't stop to think how many psychologists are there out in Australia, out there in my state or my local area. I didn't Google search and follow psychologists in my area to see what they were up to and how many people I was going to need to compete with to get clients. I didn't even really think about where I would get a job as a psychologist after my training or how many opportunities there would be as a psychologist. I think that this is relatively similar across different qualifications and different job titles and careers that when it's a corporate role, we're not really stopping to think about all the other competition that's out there. If you want to start a plumbing business, you don't go and think about all the plumbers that are out there. You just go and do it. Or a local pizza shop. There are so many pizza shops making exactly the same pizzas, but people still go and start pizza shops and they don't really think about the fact that 'Oh, someone else is running a pizza shop that's better than mine, so I shouldn't even try.'

For some reason, when it comes to running our own business, we start to fall into that comparison trap where we notice who else is around us in our space, who's doing similar things and whether we measure up to that or whether we could achieve what they're achieving. And so I just wanted to talk about that because I think it's something that I remind myself of - that we don't compare ourselves when it comes to corporate roles and jobs in that space, but when it comes to our business, for some reason we do, and I'm really trying to let go of that. I really don't pay much attention to competition. I just try and keep my blinkers on and focus on me and what I'm trying to put out into the world because I know that the more I see what others are doing, the more likely it is that you can fall into comparison and it's just not helpful. That’s just something I wanted to mention as maybe a little bit of a mindset shift for you that are, why is it that you're comparing yourself so much to others in your space to the point that you're not even willing to give yourself the opportunity.

1. Get clear on your genius zone - Some of the things that you can do around breaking through this feeling and really being able to step into your goals and your dreams and giving it a go, is to get super clear on your genius zone, your spark, your beliefs, what it is that is special and unique about you and your skills and knowledge and experience. But also in combination with your life story, your own transformations, your own ups and downs and experience that can all combine into what it is that you can offer the world and getting super specific about that. There might be a number of different things that you can do. It doesn't mean you have to make money from all of them. And this is something as a multi passionate, creative entrepreneur that I have really had to get really focused on that I don't need to make money from every single skill that I have. I needed to get super clear on what it is that I am really good at, what I want to be doing and what I know people need support with. So getting clear on this, and another word that you can use for it is your niche.
Knowing exactly who you want to support and what you want to support them with is going to help you to build your confidence and reduce the self doubt, because you know exactly the field that you're playing in. You know exactly the kinds of people you're trying to help and you know exactly what you're trying to help them with. And that's all you need to focus on. A really good example of this is if you think about a doctor, so let's say a general practitioner is getting people coming in all day everyday with the most random, completely varied health issues. They're constantly needing to have knowledge across absolutely everything, every symptom, every condition, every medication, every treatment option versus let's say a cardiologist who specialized specifically in one area. They're commonly getting the same kind of client with the same kind of problem and all they need to really know about primarily is cardiology related issues and they need to be focusing in on the treatments and the symptoms and things just around that issue so their confidence is so much higher because they're focusing on one specific area. They're playing in one specific niche field and they're able to get results because of the focus and the specialization, where the general practitioner might be feeling more doubt or more issues around competence because they are having to be so stretched across so many different problems and results.

I would like you to consider the same for you when you're trying to spread yourself across a million different things, it is going to impact your confidence because you're constantly having to learn. You're constantly having to stay on top of things. You're constantly having to think about different ways to support clients. Whereas if you focus in on one niche, one specific problem and result that you can achieve for people, that's all you have to stay on top of and you build your confidence and your expertise in that one space and that helps you to stand out, especially online.

2. Commit to courageous action and learn as you go. All of us have self-doubt. All of us have issues with confidence at one point or another. Even celebrities, even people that you think are so skilled and so amazing at what they do, they all have moments of self doubt and issues around confidence. But what separates people that don't try and people that do try and keep going is they take courageous action through fear. They know that they have self doubt or that they're struggling with some fear around something, but they take action anyway. They step into their space of courage and bravery and they still move forward and they continue to learn as they go. They know that things might not be perfect. They know that they might make mistakes at one point or another, but they continue to move forward.

This is something that I have been focusing on over the last year. My word for this year was courage. And every time I felt fear or I felt myself sabotaging or holding myself back from taking actions, I got really clear with myself and really wanted to make sure I was stepping into that space of courage every time and giving it a go. Because the worst that can happen is it doesn't work and you have to go back to the drawing board. Or the best case is that it does work. But if you never give yourself the opportunity to try it, you're never going to know. So a big theme for me this year has been courageous action, always, always pushing through and giving things a go and trying, knowing that I might fall flat on my face, but that I'm going to learn from that and it's going to actually help me to move forward and be better next time.

4. Action breeds confidence. When you start taking action on things, when you start taking action towards your dreams, annual goals, whether it's in business or in life, it breeds confidence. I say this to my clients, actually I said this last night to a client, when you begin taking action it is going to start giving you the result and is going to start helping you understand what you feel comfortable sharing, what you feel confident sharing, and it continues to grow and grow and grow and you build your confidence over time. We don't just get lumped with confidence as a baby, we have to build it and we have to learn and experience things and take action on things and get better and better over time. And that's how we basically build our confidence and we build our skills and our expertise. You can't expect to sit on the couch and do nothing and have all of this confidence. You have to actually go out there, be a little bit vulnerable and take some small action steps. Start with where you feel comfortable and your confidence will grow.

I always use the example of going on live streams. When I did my first live stream in Wellbeing Weekly, I was literally pacing the house. I was just thinking, what if I say the wrong thing? What if I go blank and I just stare at the screen like an idiot? What if I make a total fool of myself? What if nobody shows up and watches it? And all of those things that I'm sure many, many people think about when they about to go live on something. And really had a lot of resistance and it took me a long time to push that record button and now I just go live without even thinking about it. I don't even care if I go blank or make a mistake because I know I'll just pick it up and that people aren't scrutinizing your every single word like you think they are. And so that's just a perfect example now of where I've built my confidence over time in going live. I mean the same as with the podcast. I just hit record now and start spinning out words. I have a bit of an outline of what I want to say, but in the beginning I was so scared I was running off scripts and things like that. Now my confidence is so much better because I've taken courageous action, I've learned as I've gone and I get better and better and more confident in my ability. And so I believe the same is true for you. You've just got to start taking small actions.

5. Surrounding yourself with the right supports. If you don't have supports around you that are helping to cheer you on towards your goals and your dreams, then it's no wonder you have self doubt and a lack of confidence and you're struggling to take action. And so supporting yourself with the right mentors, coaches, community, people who are in your network and they are actually working towards similar goals. People that are likeminded and they can cheer you on are so important to being able to support you to not only take action, but to also show you what you're capable of. Sometimes you might have your own barriers and blocks and limiting beliefs that are hard to push through. When you have a mentor or a coach or even just a community of friendships where they're able to show you what you're capable of or they're able to give you perspectives about yourself that maybe you've never seen before, it actually opens up so much space for you to step into that and really be able to honor your skills and your brilliance.

The other benefit of getting the right supports in your business specifically but also in your life, is that you get support to follow a proven track that mentors or coaches have moved through before and they know that it works. And what it actually does is it saves you from making all the mistakes and it saves you from wasting precious time and precious money on the wrong things, which actually is what's going to increase self doubt and lack of confidence. If you're constantly making mistakes, if you're constantly spending time and money and energy on things that aren't giving you results, you're most likely going to feel waves of self doubt and questioning yourself and maybe the limiting beliefs are going to come up for you. When you have the right supports around you, you get given that process, you get given the support to know what the right things are to focus on in your business for the biggest results or in your life depending on what you're working on. And you also get the support to actually implement all of that stuff. You get the cheerleaders and the cushioning around you to be able to keep moving forward and pushing through fear, pushing through fear and really believing in yourself.
6. It's got nothing to do with you - Making mistakes or making a fool of yourself or people judging you is not necessarily anything to do with you. It's something that you can't take personally because oftentimes if people are judging you, if you're getting trolled or people have judgments or criticism of you, a lot of the time it's more to do with them than it is to do with you. But if that criticism or feedback is helpful, if there's constructive elements to it, then you can certainly take that on board and improve. And again, that's really only going to increase your confidence over time because you know that you're making a more refined version of your product or your service that people actually are going to benefit from. I think that feedback can actually be really useful a lot of the time, even though it can also be scary to receive it.

Making mistakes and not getting the results that maybe you were expecting often comes down a lot more to what you've put in place in forms of your marketing messages, your graphics, how you've worded things, how your showing up in the algorithms even. It's all kind of forming this cohesive brand and visibility factor, that doesn't necessarily mean anything about you as a person. What you need to do and what you need to focus on if things aren't going to plan for you is to just keep trying - try and then try again because eventually you're going to refine it and refine it and refine it to the point that it hits the mark and you start seeing the results that you're after.It’s got nothing to do with you as a person. It doesn't mean that you are not cut out for this. It just means that maybe you don't have the right formula in terms of how to get yourself seen on the algorithms, how to get more reach and visibility of your message. Maybe you're just not quite using the right words in your captions or your messaging that really hits the mark with your ideal client. Or maybe you're just not clear enough in how you're explaining how people can work with you. There are so many different factors that can come into this, but the important message here is just to keep trying and keep refining and you will eventually get it. And again, when you have supports to help you with that, with coaches and mentors and things like that, it's also going to help you to fast track those results.

And then finally I just really want to speak to why not you? WHY NOT YOU?! When you are not stepping into your brilliance and sharing your gifts with the world, whether that is a product or service, you're actually robbing people of the opportunity to work with you to benefit from you and what you can offer and to actually have results and transformation in their own lives. So it's actually in a sense, selfish to not be taking action on your goals and your dreams because there are people out there waiting for you to come into their lives. And when you don't take action, obviously that transformation doesn't happen and people are robbed of the experience to have you as part of their life.

Why Not Now?

I want to switch and look at why not now. And normally when this is coming up, when you're feeling like you can't take action, it is because of things like you don't have enough time, you don't have enough money, you don't have enough skills, you don't have enough support and all of those things, and let's be honest, these are all excuses.

I understand completely that people have very challenging responsibilities and schedules and lives and that there often isn't time to just add a new business idea or to make time for specific goals or dreams. But at the same time, I believe that there are ways around this that you can definitely make these things happen for you because I'm telling you now, there are people that have less money than you, less time than you, less skills than you and far less support and resources than you - who are chasing their dreams and making them a reality. You need to work out how you can move through some of those excuses, how to change up your schedule so that they're not a block to you being able to move forward.

1. Change Your Situation -How can you change your current situation so that it's more supportive for you to take action in the direction that you want to go? Now, whether that's things like exercise, more healthy eating, starting a business, anything really that you're focusing on. How can you actually look at your schedule, look at your situation and make some changes so that it can all work together. Are there supports that you can look at maybe personal supports like help around the house or help with your children or whether there's professional supports like hiring a business coach like myself that focuses on helping you to scale your services online? Are there people that you can hire to help you out with certain tasks? Whether that's things around the home, again, like cleaning or whether its business related things or hiring a VA to do some of the admin tasks for you, hiring people to support you with graphics or website design. Any way that you can add more pockets of time into your schedule. Can you be doing something to work on your business while your baby is asleep? Can you be getting your parents to help watch the baby while you do some work on your business? Can you maybe allocate pockets of time in the evenings when your kids are asleep to work on your business?

Sometimes there does require some sacrifices and shifting. That's just the reality of starting a business and growing a business, but you can do it in a way that works in with your schedule and where you take small action steps just to get things rolling. You don't have to do the whole thing straight away and have everything up and running in a couple of months. You can take your time if your responsibilities and your lifestyle doesn't quite allow you to spend a significant amount of time on growing your business. Something that might help you as well with this is my free Productivity Plan, because I share seven different ways that you can actually overhaul your schedule and get super clear on how to be more productive with your time and I think that if you are someone that struggles with where to find time for things in your schedule, this is going to be perfect for you so you can grab it at wellbeingweekly.com.au/plan, but this is a really great way to start looking at your schedule, noticing where you're spending time and how you can spend it more effectively.

2. Give yourself permission - Do you need to give yourself permission? I know that as women it can be sometimes hard to spend time on yourself and to switch your focus to yourself, especially if you're a parent and where you might be shifting dynamics within your family or your relationship and shifting some of your attention back on yourself, and essentially do what it is that you want to do in the world. So ask yourself is there an element of permission that you need? And whether that's just giving yourself the permission, whether it's maybe journaling it out and really getting clear on how you can make this your time and whether you need permission, perhaps from other people around you, whether you're perhaps worried about stepping away from the same level of support that you've given others for so long and now you want to focus some of that back on yourself. Whatever it is that you think is holding you back. Is there an element of permission that needs to happen here so that you can get started and start taking action? Is there a conversation that you need to have with your partner? Is there a conversation that you need to have with your extended family to get more support? Is there a conversation that you just need to have with yourself?

I'll give you an example of this from my own life...When I was looking to start Wellbeing Weekly, I was already running my skin care brand full time. We didn't really have time for me to start another business, but my calling to do this was so strong that I knew if I didn't do this I would be probably somewhat miserable and feeling like I was really sacrificing a part of me that I really needed to share with the world. What that involved was a conversation with my partner around how I was going to be able to allocate time to this, how I was going to separate my responsibilities and make sure that it didn't pull me away from the focus on our current business, but that it was also enabling me to take small action steps as much as possible. That was all it took, really for me to be able to say, 'okay, this is something that is doable'. It's something that he's supportive of and is something that I'm obviously motivated and passionate about doing and giving a go. So that's how it started. It was at first element of feeling like it was possible and then it was about giving myself the permission to step into it and share my message, share my voice and give it a go, and that's when the podcast began. It was just starting to share my message with people and really seeing what happened organically. From there, I didn't really have specific expectations. I didn't really know how things would evolve, but I knew that I just needed to start and the rest would work itself out over time and as long as I was allocating a snippet of time every week to focusing on growing this business, then over time I knew it would start to steamroll and that might be something that you need to do as well.
Just consider what needs to happen to just break through that first point of resistance so that you can start to take action. You commit to it and go on top of that once you feel like you've got the level of commitment to actually get started, which is usually a stopping point for so many people. Many women in my community tell me they just don't even know where to start.

3. Give yourself a timeframe - Once you've actually pushed through that and giving yourself the permission to begin, what I recommend doing is just giving yourself a six month timeframe. Just commit to six months of showing up, building your business or working towards a goal that you're working on and give it your best shot and then if in six months’ time it's not working out or it's not aligned with your lifestyle or it's not feeling like something you want to continue to pursue, you can reevaluate at that point. You can pivot, you can stop, you can do whatever you want basically. But to give yourself a six month time frame to give it a go. And what this does is it actually allows you to release the pressure a bit because it's not like you're needing to do this forever more and then if it doesn't work, your life is over...and getting into that kind of all or nothing mentality. It's giving yourself a six month opportunity to see what happens, to show up in the best way that you can with what you've got and go from there.

I find that really helpful and that's really what I did with Wellbeing Weekly. I said I was going to give it one year and see what happened. I was going to give the podcast a year and then determine if I wanted to move forward with service options and things like that. And when I got to that one year mark, that's exactly what I did. And you know, that got us into what I've been doing over the last 12 months. So you've just gotta take it as it comes. You don't need to have it all figured out years in advance. You just need to get started. Give yourself an opportunity to give it a go and basically evaluate along the way.
4. What is the benefit for you of staying in your comfort zone? So when you're not taking action on something, when it's just not the right time or you don't have the right support, you don't have the right skills, you don't have enough money. Why is that? What is comfortable about staying in this space for you? Because even though you might be saying, I want to chase this dream, I want to start this business, I want to pursue this goal, but you're not. Then there is something within your current situation that is actually serving you and protecting you. And that can be a little bit confronting, but it's the honest truth based on my counseling experience and what I mean by this is that it might be safe and secure in this comfort zone, even though it's not ideally where you'd like to be in your business or your life. It's safe. It's better than the unknown. It's better than the fear of criticism, the fear of judgment, the fear of failure, the fear of being seen, the fear of being vulnerable. And so you do nothing and you stay safe and secure. So I really encourage you to reflect on what is the benefit of staying where you are now and not making changes. How is it serving you?

I'm going to give you an example from my counseling days when I was working in drug and alcohol counseling, because drug and alcohol use and abuse is a tool to manage challenges in someone's life to escape. It is not the underlying condition. It's not the root cause of someone's issues. There is something that's going on or there's something that has happened previously where alcohol and drugs have now become the tool to manage that, to manage that emotion, to manage the thoughts, the beliefs, to manage existence essentially, and being able to escape. What we would do a lot of the time is we would talk about what is the benefit of using drugs and alcohol? How is this a positive in your life? Because for many people it was, or is, a positive thing because it's helping them to self-soothe, it's helping them to manage and cope with whatever else is happening for them. So if we were to go in and say, all right, you're going to drop the drugs and alcohol to zero, you're just going to go cold turkey...we're removing a significant crutch in someone's life that is benefiting them at this point. And if we're going to do that, we need to give them some better coping skills, some more positive coping skills.

So the same thing is true in other areas of business and life. There are things in your current situation that you are using as a benefit to stay where you are. There are particular coping strategies that you're using and there are particular excuses that you're leaning on that are helping you stay safe and secure. You need to work out how you can actually start to bring in more positive ways of managing your schedule, of managing your time, of managing the supports that you have in your life - so that you can move forward and take more proactive, positive action towards the lifestyle and the business that you actually want to have. So I hope that makes sense how I've explained it, but essentially when we're not taking action, there's a reason for it. There is a reason that you're staying where you are and often that is because it feels safer than the alternative of stepping into fear and uncertainty and the unknown. But when you can become more accepting of the fact that it's going to be unknown, it's going to be uncertain, there's going to be mistakes, there's going to be people that just don't vibe with you - then it's okay and you can kind of step into that, knowing that, expecting that and being able to manage it as it happens. So just another way to reflect as well and start to consider how can you start to switch up your mindset and your expectations around taking action so that you can drop the excuses, dropped the safety net and start taking action.

I'll believe in you until you believe in yourself – this is something that I used to say to all my clients because I wholeheartedly believe in all of my client's abilities to change and make positive change in their lives. And I completely believe that for you as well, when you have the right support and the right mindset and the right conditions and resources to be able to move forward towards your goals and increase the belief in yourself. So I will believe in you until you believe in yourself. But I hope that all of these things that I've covered today help you to believe more in yourself that you are needed in this world and you are needed now. There is no time like the present and one year from now you'll be so happy that you started today.

So I hope that that's given you a little bit of an inspiration burst to get going and achieve all of your amazing goals and dreams in business and life.

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